Updates, Updates, Updates...

I been busy, alright, gees!

Things happening in the SubMonkeyverse:

I am once again gainfully unemployed, to cut a long story short it turns out I didn't meet their 'medical' requirements and thus was given the ass. On the plus side I no longer have to be polite to people I don't know and don't smell like old people at the end of the day.

As I am no longer among the earning masses I have enrolled in University, B. Arts (Security, Terrorism and Counterterrorism) and thinking of double majoring in communications as well. Doesn't that just sound so scary and official. I start later this month. Decided to pick up a couple of summer school units, what the hell else am I going to do?!

The Lady S is moving in, so there has been much discussion regarding the moving of furniture and chaos surrounds the house.

Speaking of chaos in the house, part of the ceiling in the lounge room fell down and went boom... right on my new couch. The roof can be repaired, the couch not so much. My spidey sense is telling me I'm in for another fight with the Real Estate, who from this point on I shall refer to as our SlumLord.

Insomnia.. wicked wicked insomnia. He's my fairweather friend... or something.

As a result of the insomnia, I have developed an unhealthy addicition to Scrabulous and Poker on Facebook. I have also announced publicly that I am retarded for Kevin Smith and have joined his facebook page. Normally I don't do that kind of thing because... because.. well, I'm not sure exactly why. I guess I feel that people are just people, I mean, if I saw him on the street I'd really just let him go about his day, you know. I'm of the opinion that only retards and fuckups hound movie stars and public figures (and I'm not JUST referring to the press!), so why should the digital world be any different. But the man announced it on his webpage and invited us all to join, so, given that I admire the man's work so much, I thought 'why not, just this once!'...

And because I feel I have to mention it in every post I write, Mr Sparkle made it to the Ultimate Trivia Championships again this month! I'm so hot for me right now!

So.. there's your stinkin' update. Now... I have a lot of Scrabulous to get back to.
OUT!

What a way to make a living!

Oh SWEET LORD! I smell like old people!
I have now rejoined the ranks of the gainfully employed (at least for the moment) and have been hustling in a nursing home. What I have discovered is that I need to shower as soon as I get home because I smell like... well, Old.

Armageddon was a jam packed event. I got to geek out amoung fellow dorks, and, for a change, was not the saddest dork there.. see some pics


COSPLAYERS


ALAN TUDYK

And I apologise for the poor quality.. I was in the nose-bleeds...

So it was a pretty good couple of days. I got some sketches from Amanda Connor and Jimmy Palmiotti which I just adore, listened to Joe Flannigan and Alan Tudyk chat away and flew from panel to panel. A busy but very excellent weekend!

Add that to the new job, and I'd say being 30 is working out for me so far!

How bad does I wanna work?

So I'm looking for a job, see, when I come across this ad:

Sales cum Production Assistant, Fashion Industry

How is cum being worn in the fashion world today? And how badly do I want that job, though the rsi might be nighmarish!

The Fabulous Mr. Sparkle

I know it must seem sad that the majority of my blogs are all about my trivia team Mr Sparkle... but I have reason to be all braggy and proud this week... while we didn't exactly win this weeks skirmish, Mr Sparkle has indeed scored enough overall this month to be our Pubs representatives in the monthly inter-pub championships! I don't know where.. and I don't know when... but soon and, umm, somewhere Mr Sparkle will stand proud and hopefully not come last! Mr Sparkle for the WIIIIIIINNNNNN!

And subMonkey's favorite response!

Bless Seth and his little cotton socks!

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

Ok, it appears I am a little behind in regards to 'what's hot' in the world right now... but I've caught up and I totally love it!

The scary thing what subMonkey thought she saw!

Now, nudity does not scare me.. that is unless it is unexpected. Or gross.
subMonkey was awoken by her grumpy bear of a husband looking for his work pants very early one morning and in an attempt to help him out she got up to have a look around as well.
In the subMonkey house there is a very long central corridor. This corridor is dimly lit and almost all rooms run off it. As subMonkey, blear eyed and fuzzy headed from sleep was a-heading down this corridor she came across what appeared to be her room-mate wearing a t-shirt and no pants heading for the front door... subMonkey was frightened as her housemate began to turn to face her...
As it turns out, the banging of the bear man husband had also woken the housemate who, believing the banging to be coming from the front door with the potential of being a package delivery, had bounded from bed. In his own sleep addled state he had not been able to find his sweat-pants and instead of missing a delivery decided that he would wander in his skin colored jocks and use the front door as a modesty sheild to receive the delivery. Because of the dim light of the corridor and subMonkey's own fuzzy sleep brain she did not see the skin colored knickers and squealed a little a the scary thing what she thought she saw!
After that subMonkey had to go lie down for a while more and recover...

One Boring Monkey

So, yeah I missed last weeks Trivia night. I had more betterer things to do, OK! Instead I left the team in the more than capable hands of Mr's M and C, and Little Miss S.. who, as it turns out, are smarter when we aren't around. I bow to their super smarts and salute their victory. Of course, they have now established that Mr. Sparkle plays dirty, and will steal points from other teams... hey, it's all legal, and I have to say, I do like their style...

I have it on good authority though that this week Mr Sparkle may face their toughest opponent yet. We will see what happens.

As for the rest of my subMonkey existence, well, not much to report. I am still fighting with my landlord, 4 weeks, 2 days and counting and STILL no oven, I took them to the rental tribunal thingo last week, and looks like I am going to have to do it again this week, but I'm not too concerned, for once I'm in the right and we should get compensated by the courts... I'm thinking we probably won't get a lease renewal when this one expires.. just a tingle in my spidey sense.

Very proud of the Wallabies.. a malicious sense of satisfaction washed over me as I watched Sterling lay the smack down on Welshy number 15! Yeah, that was for our boy you took out BEEEEATCH! How you like them apples?! Although I gotta say I haven't seen so much blood in the sport as I have in this World Cup.. every game sees boys playing so hard and bleeding for their countries. Like Warriors. Scarily dedicated, sensuoulsy athletic warriors..

And there we have it.. time for bed!

Mr Sparkle for the WIIII.... what the? Fourth!

Sooo. Team Mr Sparkle took on some even tougher competition this week, and despite having one extra team mate we managed to come fourth. There was some discussion that maybe we had started too well, set our standard too high, that now the only place to go was down, or that the extra team player (Mr. C) had somehow managed to dumb us down, however I still had a great time and was more than pleased that we placed so well... I have also discovered one other thing about tuesday night parma and trivia, one whole parma is too much, one half parma is too little, next week I think I'll order a little something extra... or maybe drink more dinner..yeah, that sounds like a plan.

This week I've also had my hair chopped off, spoiled myself with a facial and started a fight with my landlord... so not a bad effort, given it's still only wednesday...

Anticipation is mounting...

Tuesday is fast approaching and as I sit here Urbaer is 'You Don't Know Jack'ing it up in training for Crazy Happy Pub Trivia night. So far team Mr Sparkle has expanded to a potential six members subMonkey and husband, Urbaer and Shazalulamae, Wordynerd and Crazy Carl... the best and brightest minds of our generation... or something. Of course, new members are always welcome, so drop me a line and I'll send you the details if you are interested.

And also, I stood in cat vomit today... it upset me, so I thought I should mention it. Enjoy!

All Hail the Victorious Mr. Sparkle!

Finally we have moved... though we still reside in a sad little world of boxes.
In the last week we have been getting used to our new local area and managed to discover that most hallowed and blessed of all things, the $12 Parma and Trivia night at the local pub! Last night was our first night taking on the best and brightest minds this suburb has to offer, not only did we win one of the much coveted free Jugs of beer, but we were indeed wholly victorious on the night! Team Mr. Sparkle ROCKS!
There were a few moments throughout the night that slightly tarnished the shining glory of our victory, such as being the team of Fat peoples and friends who won the jug of beer on a list of questions formed entirely from recognising food logo's, then having only 2 team members who actually drank. But all in al it was a fantastic success, we left feeling elated, if not a little tipsy, and will most definately return next week to defend our position as Quiz Masters!

Boo YAH! The mighty MR SPARKLE!

SubMonkey on the move

Here I sit.. surrounded by boxes and listening to questionable Russian Pop musak...preparing to move, yet again.
I know this will come as a suprise to no-one, but I effing HATE moving... I have moved 13 times in the last 11 years... it's not because I can't hold down a home, the last place I lived in for nearly four years, when I first moved to this city I moved four times in the first year of Uni cycling through generous relatives until I could find a University rental cheap enough, and then there are the emergency moves, like in cases where dodgy rentals burn down... luckily in that specific instance I had very little to move with me.
So I have a day left to pack before the big move... and my husband has just re-packed and alphabetised his comics, which I think means he believes he has done his share...yeah, he's in for a shock!
Anyway, this is where I am.. but I won't be here for long.

Mac Vs PC... I'm impressed!

So, me and my man bought new Macbooks and it just so happened we did this on the same day T's parents bought a new PC. Since I was the go to guy for the fetching of the laptops, I went into the city, picked 'em up and was home by about 3.. roughly the same time T's parents arrived from their jaunt into the cyber shopping experience.
I unboxed my computer, plugged it in, updated what needed to be updated and away I went. The parentals, in the mean time, also began unboxing their computer, which arrived in two huge boxes. At 7.30 T arrived home, had a little dinner and unboxed his Macbook, updated and began loading onto his spanky new iPod, while I continued messing around with iPhoto... come 10pm, the parentals were STILL trying to make their new computer work, a whole 7 hours after I had begun happily fooling around with my Mac!
PC Vs Mac, no competition!

Love is not a punch in the face

I live apart from my family now, and have done for some years. And I miss them. Growing up with two brothers, a father who was just as much of a boy as his boys, and a mother who maintained minimal control at best, meant that affection was often shown through violence. Not an 'I walked into a door' kind of violence, the funny kind... you know what I mean..like, I knew my father approved of my boyfriend when he punched him jovially in the arm, or the pin your brother down and type-writer his chest kind of violence.
Maybe my family really is just dysfunctional, but some time ago I came to the realisation that not all peoples express the love in this way.
For example, I once forgot myself and used a friends face as a backing board for shopping-trolley basketball. It's hard to explain to a friend recovering from a Dorito Bag pummelling, that you only did it because you love them like family.
I have learned that Love is not a punch in the face... unless you are my brothers. So boys, watch your backs, I got a lot-a love to give!

Transformers The Movie... F***ing A!

Transformers.. A Michael Bay film.. it could have gone either way.

I saw it and....

I GEEKED OUT SO HARD I THOUGHT MY FACE WAS GONNA MELT!

Don't get me wrong, it's no cinematic masterpiece, and if you are in any way a thinking person, you will have a couple of questions at the end.. the important thing to remember is.. it's a film about Giant Alien Robots!

And do they look effing wicked! From the minute I first heard the transforming sound effect I was transported back to childhood and filled with such childish glee... well, I've not had that much fun at the cinema for quite a while!

If you are a fan of The Transformers, then this can not be missed! Michael Bay didn't f*** it up!

The important questions

It's funny the things you remember. Years ago I was asked what 3 things I would do if I won a Million Dollars. My answer:

1. Buy a House
2. Have a haircut
3. Hire a Hit-man

I think this is still true today...

Yeah, I have a lotto ticket...and I'm not afraid to use it!

And just so you know...vomit stains..

If a friend drinks 3 bottles of red wine and then vomits all through your house, on the walls, leaves vomity red handprints all down the hallway, then vomits on your toothpaste and even behind your toilet once he does make it to the bathroom, I think it's pretty safe to say he owes you... even if he offers to clean it up the next day just before he passes out.

That one's for you, Urbaer. (Mostly because you asked me not to. MWAH!)

He has the technology...

Families are funny things.

Funny, trying, frustrating things.

I have an Uncle B and we don't often see eye to eye. You see, B claims to be a genius, his IQ is in the,uh, 190's *cough*, and I think he's an idiot, and therein lies the friction. Every so often B pops out a comment to enlighten us poor intellectually challenged peons with acclaimed scientific fact and (occasional conspiracy) theory.

This week it's the awesome power of... (drumroll please) MAGNETS.

According to B, we have the power to fire shipping containers into space, just by harnessing the incomparable power of magnets! And not just any shipping containers, 450 tonne shipping containers. Specifically.
Apparently 'They' guard this secret closely, as no-one wants 'The Terrorists' getting hold of this technology and putting an end to us all. But, B, genius he is, has worked it all out.

Now, when a man says to me "We can fire 450 tonne shipping containers into space using magnets" without laughing the first question that comes to my mind is 'Why?'
Apparently the answer is the same as 'Why climb a mountain?", because it's there, because we can... because the voices in B's head say we should (Ok, that last one does not pertain specifically to the mountain question, but you see where I'm going).

Now, I'm no expert in the field of the science of space travel, or the science of magnets, or the science of shipping containers, even... but I spy some holes with this, well, it wasn't presented as a theory exactly, more of a statement of fact. And therefore I have some questions I would like answered.

1. As stated above, yeah, uh, WHY?

2.What kind of magnet would be required to reach the speeds required to break orbit?
I fancy electro-magnetic plates would be required in order to facilitate placing of said shipping containter into the magnetic feild area. Otherwise manouvering the containers into a position where they can be shot into space could potentially become nightmarish. I also imagine that the magnetic base will need to be quite large in order to be able to maintain some control over flight patterns and ascent. I've been told that magnetic fields do not run in straight lines, but waiver from side to side, and we wouldn't want the crate to go flying sideways and come down on an unsuspecting pedestrian in Outer Eastern Mongolia. We have also toyed with a Magnetic Rail kind-of theory, but, again (and please remember that our knowledge is limited in this area) we doubt that we would be able to break atmosphere, as I believe you can only launch something into space through places where our atmosphere is thinnest, thus the 'windows' NASA uses for its rocket launches. A rail would need to be too long and too permanent to acheive successful release into space, not to mention the technicalities of builing an earth based structure that high.

So fromthis point I assume we will employ the Electro-magnetic Plates theory.

3. An awful lot of power would be needed to magnetise the plates, where does this come from?

4. Do the plates need to be moveable or crazy huge in order to combat issues arising from the instability of the magnetic field itself and the Earths natural rotation?

5. If we can acheive the velocities required to break atmosphere, won't the shipping container melt?

6. What happens to the contents of said shipping container once it does leave Earth? There's a lot of radiation out there. It has been suggested that the container would need to be air tight and made of gold to avoid venting air and be proofed against the afore-mentioned radiation.

7. Assuming the electro-magnet is quite huge, say continent sized (to maintain stability and account for earth roatation). Won't this fuck with the Earth's natural magnetic field, throwing the earth off it axis and potentially plummeting us into ice-age, if not killing the planet and it's inhabitants entirely by messing with our own magnetic fields?

8. How do we get the shipping container back?

I know, I know, there are a lot more questions in there as well, but I grow weary of this game.. Let's just say, that until B brings me published sound scientific theory by noted scientists... I don't believe him.

If I had a hammer

Sooo. I sell stuff on ebay from time to time... who doesn't? At the moment I have a french chick really grating my ass about not receiving a package, this is despite the fact that it took a number of reminders and several days to inspire her to make payment, and now she lodges a complaint with PayPal for Non Receipt of item after only five days...
I don't know about you, but I haven't yet got hold of the beaming, tube, or the time/space temporal shift technologies to be able to instantly send a package from Australia to France! And sadly, I am also neither a blinky blinky noddy head jeanie, or a twitchy nose witch, so I must rely on the postal service (Auspost time-frames are 3 - 10 working days).
What I am most concerned about, since she has escalated the complaint further, is that I fear I am being conned. La femme did not pay for registered postage and therefore there is nothing stopping her from receiving the item and claiming it never arrived. I have no proof of postage, aside from a generic receipt that doesn't provide specific details of the transaction... merde!

Why are some people just ... jerks?

Genius G and the Cash Register... as requested

G was studying film at Uni, and as such, often needed props for his projects. One such project required a cash register so G offerred to go into the city to fetch one for his group... fair enough, making sense so far, right?
...well...
On the way home, with cash register in tow, G decided to score... Now, our G didn't drive, so he needed to haul cash register and his considerable baggie of weed on the train to get home. Now, our dear G could be described as scruffy looking on a good day (and this day hadn't been a good one) as often he would wear the same clothes for days, and the concept of a hair brush... well, it was almost as foreign a concept to Genius G as a daily shower. But our G cleverly recognised that, especially with cash register in tow, he looked a little suspect to say the least, and so, just in case the police stopped him, he devised a cunning plan! G decided to hide his stash inside the register draw and lock it, as he believed it would be the last place the police would think to look. In his defence, he was clever enough to come up with a back-up plan, should they request to search the register though, and was primed to claim, if questioned, that he couldn't open the register as he had no key, which he had cunningly concealed in his shorts pocket.
Devious, no?
Upon getting home, fortunately without being noticed by the Plod, we inquired as to whether or not he was aware how questionable he looked carrying around a cash register. He stood proudly before us and, with chest puffed explained his cunning plan for fooling the authorities.
It was at this stage that T noticed a BIG HUGE MASSIVE red button on the register that said 'Cash Draw Open' and pressed it, exposing the registers illicit contents, no key required.

Housemates...Ahhh, the memories!

So... I've been keeping up to date with the misadventures of the mysterious P on www.mycrazyroommate.com and just between you and me, I am strangely fascinated by him. It is comically tragic and has made me pause to remember some of my own shared-house experiences... memories I'd thought buried far beneath carefully manufactured layers of psychosis.

I lived with a gent we'll call G... G, who liked to roam the house in his girlfriends bra and a pair of shorts, liked to smoke pot (I know, it's a shock, right?). He liked it a lot. I once made the mistake of telling him he could eat a can of soup I had bought because he had no food. And that is how it began. Apparently my 'sure, you can have that soup' actually translated to 'take whatever you want when you want, and don't worry about replacing anything, it's my pleasure'. This went on for weeks, even after a number of conversations and intense negotiations where he swore every time would be the last time, it will never happen again he swears. Remember I said he liked to smoke pot, therefore he often got the muchies. One day I come home to discover EVERY bit of food I owned had mysteriously been devoured. No dinner for me!
Now, in my defence, this had been going on for quite some time and my frustration was at boiling point, we had a massive argument and just at the moment where my rage reached fever pitch my cat appeared. I grabbed her and when G turned his back on me, I sprung, dragging my poor poor pussy cat down his naked back. Obviously the fright had made her claws extend because there were 7 freaking awesome scratch marks on his back.
He stopped eating my food, and although my cat avoided me for a few days, it was worth it.


What I've learned when share-housing (not all of which are related to this story alone):
1. A cat is not a weapon and they do not appreciate being used as such.

2. Your housemates' bong does not go in the dishwasher. It takes approximately 5 rinses to get the smell out, and you need to hand clean it twice to remove the residue.

3. Have ONE designated drinks fridge. Drunk people can only count what they see, obviously if you started with 11 bottles of vodka and there are 9 left, no matter how drunk you feel, you must only have had two. And except for the fact that your housemate has been grabbing bottles from the 2nd drinks fridge all night you are probably right. One drinks fridge means you can all keep track and will avoid alcohol poisoning and wishing you were dead the next day.

4. A room-mates guest who prefers to sleep under the kitchen table instead of the spare bed or couch is not normal. BEWARE you will probably get up to see him standing naked at the window waving to your neighbours the next morning and wearing your socks.

5. Do not buy a cheap metal-framed fold out futon couch. It will seem like a good idea at the time as an inexpensive way to put up visitors. You will find over a very short period of time that the support poles fall out the bottom due to excessive wear in the areas where peoples' groins commonly meet and you will only be able to sit right in the middle or to the sides with a lean.

6. Do not freak out if you come home one day to see your new housemate scrubbing the carpet dressed in a pink tutu, white tights and your favorite pink camisole. One day you might marry him.

There are many more lessons I have learned, and a million stories to tell, but I think I will leave it there for now... I must get back and see if P has let loose with more of the crazy!